Heartbreak

I have debated whether or not I should post this.  I know there are people who will read this and truly be sorry for me, but I also know that there are a couple of people out there who read my blog (I have no idea why) and I fear they will rejoice in my sorrow.  But here it is:

Adam has decided to move on.  He does not feel we are compatible, and he says though he loves me, he cannot see himself marrying me.

I am absolutely devastated.  Crushed.  Heartbroken beyond anything I have ever felt before.  I love him with all my heart.  I feel as though every fiber of my being is screaming in pain.  Adam means everything to me.  He is the most amazing man I've ever met.  Everything I ever wanted and then some.  I could probably list a million things I love about him.  I would do anything for Adam.  I would walk across the earth, fly to the moon, anything he asked.  My heart does not comprehend his reasons for leaving.  I learned to believe in soul-mates from him, and I am still convinced he is mine. 

I am so sad that he has made this decision.  I know we had an amazing future together.  I loved dreaming about the day when we would be husband and wife and I would care for him and our family.  I would give anything for this to turn out to be just a bad dream.

He not only took his love from me, but he took his family as well.  I saw them as my family.  His sister was my sister.  His brother was my brother.  I saw his nieces and nephews as my own.  I grew to love and respect his parents so much and I couldn't wait to call them my in-laws.  The Ardis family is made up of some very amazing people.  They made me feel like I was one of them.  I felt safe, at home, at peace, when I was with them.

Where do I go from here?  How do I go on?  I can't do this.  I don't want to do this.  I don't want life to continue without Adam.

Everything reminds me of him, and I sometimes can't hold back the tears.  I hold it in as much as I can until I get home and as soon as I turn into my parking lot, I burst into tears.  I cry until my eyes are dry and cry again every time I think of him.

My family has been so amazing and supportive.  I am so incredibly grateful for the love and encouragement they have shown me.  I am constantly getting a text message or phone call from someone just checking in to make sure I am ok.  Today, my Aunt Mar brought me tulips, a book, the latest Lady Antebellum cd, tissues to make me laugh when I cry, and tons of chocolate!!  I was so touched by her sweet gift. 

Adam said everything would be okay.  That we would both find happiness another way.  My head knows he is right.  Humans are designed to survive and adapt.  And if I am anything, I am adaptable.  But my heart doesn't believe it.  I have no desire to love anyone else.  I want him.  I want his family.  I want the life we were meant to have.  But it doesn't matter what I want.

What would I say if I had one more chance to talk to Adam?
I love you.  Always and forever.

What Happens When You Feel Sad?

So.... I've had a few struggles lately.  And they were starting to get me down.  I came home tonight feeling pretty depressed.  And I found that Heavenly Father decided to show me He loved me through some girls in my ward who love me too.

To Amber, Eli, Suzanne, Rebecca, and anyone else who contributed but may not have signed a card, thank you.  You touched my heart and brought me a measure of peace.  I'm not used to being surprised by a kindness and I am so grateful that you found me deserving of one.  Amber, your notes were so sweet.  Thank you all for responding to the Spirit.  You may not have known you were being prompted but you were.  I love you too!

Snow... in Texas?!?!

That's right folks!  Snow in Texas!!  I woke up to the snowiest, whitest scenery I have seen since I was a small child living in Utah.









We're supposed to get 4-6 inches, but maybe as much as 10!!  I know that sounds like nothing to my northern family, but come on, 10 inches of snow in Texas?!?!  Unreal!!  

We've had snow before.  Snow that fell for a few hours and left a couple of inches behind.  But nothing like this!!

I woke up at 7:30 am to see a full blown snow falling on an already white world.  Real snowflakes too.  It hasn't let up almost twelve hours later.  The weather service is expecting the snow to continue until 2 am tonight and with temperatures plummeting into the 20's, all the slush and water on the roads will freeze overnight.  There's a good chance the bank will open late tomorrow.  I doubt they'd keep it closed all day, but I'm not about to risk my life for a job.  I'm sure that they will understand and let me come in when the roads start to clear.

It has been a beautiful view each time I've gone outside or looked out my window.  I think I'm the only person in the apartment complex crazy (or desperate) enough to do laundry today.   At least I had my pick of washers and dryers!!

Week One Down

I have completed my assignments for the first week of classes!!

One class required me to make multiple discussion postings, take a very lengthy strengths profile test, read 30 pages!! And take a quiz.  I was kind of proud of that little quiz... 

The other was similar; it also required several postings, but I had to write an essay!!  Yikes!!  Luckily it was an essay about me and my choices leading me back to school so no research or citations were necessary.  Phew! 

I won't know until Sunday how I did.  But I feel pretty good.  One week down--only 900 more to go!!

Ok... so maybe not that many weeks left... :)  But it feels like it!!

For the First Time...

 

... In more than 40 years... They did it!!!!!!  Hooray!!!  

The New Orleans Saints won Super Bowl XLIV beating the 

Indianapolis Colts

31-17.

It was the Saint's first Super Bowl game ever.

And they won.

They were an amazing team to watch - playing with so much heart.

We knew the game was over and won when Tracy Porter made an 

amazing interception and ran 74 yards to make a touchdown.

What an awesome play.  What a fantastic game.

I'm so glad I got to watch it.  I'm so glad that the Ardis' family's 

(and all the other die-hard Saints' fans) dream has finally

come true after so many years.

A New Orleans Weekend!!

Yesterday, Adam and his family took me to a restaurant they like in Plano called "The Big Easy".  They are a cajun restaurant and were having a live jazz band.  It was a lot of fun, but Cajuns don't really make food for wheat-intolerant people.  So afterward, Adam, Staci, Andrew and I headed to chick-fil-a to get a snack since Staci couldn't eat anything at all, and the limited food I could eat was not so good. 

Today is the SUPER BOWL!!!!!  I've never been excited about football, but I've definitely caught the Saints bug from Adam and his family.  Bryan is hosting a cajun style super bowl party for the family since this is the first time in franchise history that the Saints have been in the super bowl.  I'm excited.  It's weird being excited to watch sports on tv.  I guess that's what happens when you fall in love!

Well, here's wishing the Saints a historical victory!!  Who Dat?!

And So It Begins

So last night was my first night of class.  It was great, once I finally managed to login. 

My internet connection kept shutting down my computer.  With half an hour until class started, I called Adam in a panic.  He offered to let me come over and use his computer.  Of course, it was raining and traffic was terrible, but I made it to his house with 5 minutes to spare!!

Last night was just an introduction to the course, and I expect pretty much the same thing tonight on my second class.  (And yes, my internet is working just fine again...) 

I'm actually kind of excited for my final project for this first class.  I just have to interview a legal professional (like a lawyer, judge, paralegal, police officer) and ask them questions about why they chose their field, what they do, that kind of thing.  I have to double check with my professor, but I may have it made!  My dad is in charge of the background detectives for the Dallas Police.  How much fun would it be to write a paper about that?  Very!!!

So, I've got an hour and a half until my next class.  Let's hope it won't be too hinky.  Wish me and my internet connection good luck!!