Heartbreak

I have debated whether or not I should post this.  I know there are people who will read this and truly be sorry for me, but I also know that there are a couple of people out there who read my blog (I have no idea why) and I fear they will rejoice in my sorrow.  But here it is:

Adam has decided to move on.  He does not feel we are compatible, and he says though he loves me, he cannot see himself marrying me.

I am absolutely devastated.  Crushed.  Heartbroken beyond anything I have ever felt before.  I love him with all my heart.  I feel as though every fiber of my being is screaming in pain.  Adam means everything to me.  He is the most amazing man I've ever met.  Everything I ever wanted and then some.  I could probably list a million things I love about him.  I would do anything for Adam.  I would walk across the earth, fly to the moon, anything he asked.  My heart does not comprehend his reasons for leaving.  I learned to believe in soul-mates from him, and I am still convinced he is mine. 

I am so sad that he has made this decision.  I know we had an amazing future together.  I loved dreaming about the day when we would be husband and wife and I would care for him and our family.  I would give anything for this to turn out to be just a bad dream.

He not only took his love from me, but he took his family as well.  I saw them as my family.  His sister was my sister.  His brother was my brother.  I saw his nieces and nephews as my own.  I grew to love and respect his parents so much and I couldn't wait to call them my in-laws.  The Ardis family is made up of some very amazing people.  They made me feel like I was one of them.  I felt safe, at home, at peace, when I was with them.

Where do I go from here?  How do I go on?  I can't do this.  I don't want to do this.  I don't want life to continue without Adam.

Everything reminds me of him, and I sometimes can't hold back the tears.  I hold it in as much as I can until I get home and as soon as I turn into my parking lot, I burst into tears.  I cry until my eyes are dry and cry again every time I think of him.

My family has been so amazing and supportive.  I am so incredibly grateful for the love and encouragement they have shown me.  I am constantly getting a text message or phone call from someone just checking in to make sure I am ok.  Today, my Aunt Mar brought me tulips, a book, the latest Lady Antebellum cd, tissues to make me laugh when I cry, and tons of chocolate!!  I was so touched by her sweet gift. 

Adam said everything would be okay.  That we would both find happiness another way.  My head knows he is right.  Humans are designed to survive and adapt.  And if I am anything, I am adaptable.  But my heart doesn't believe it.  I have no desire to love anyone else.  I want him.  I want his family.  I want the life we were meant to have.  But it doesn't matter what I want.

What would I say if I had one more chance to talk to Adam?
I love you.  Always and forever.