Frustration

So, honestly, not much has happened lately. I'm just trying to survive a job that drains me more each day. The work is tedious and pointless. I don't feel useful anymore. I get yelled at by customers and not quite yelled at by the new manager almost everyday. My best days are when he's not there, or he goes home early. I go home every day practically in tears.

I come home and the only things I have to keep my attention are my dogs. They keep me happy. I adore them so much--too much. They love me no matter what I do. I know my time with them is most likely growing short, and it breaks my heart every time I look at them. It's time for me to move on to another place, and every way I look at it, it seems more impossible that I'll be able to take them with me. I'm trying to make my way to Provo, UT. I would like to be closer to my sister and my grandparents. The only way I can see to keep my puppies is to stay where I am: in a job I hate and in a place I no longer feel welcome.

On a good note, I'm starting school in July. I've enrolled online at Kaplan University where I'll be finishing my bachelor's degree majoring in communications. I am nervous but excited. The best part of going to school online is that it doesn't matter where I am as long as I have a computer and an internet connection. I just have to find a job and a place to live (preferably one that allows dogs... there aren't many in the Provo area that aren't ridiculously overpriced...).

I know my life would be easier if I didn't have the dogs. But it would be empty. They are likely the closest I'll ever come to children. I know most people look at my situation and say, "They're just dogs. You can get new dogs when things settle down." But they won't be the same dogs. Maggie and Maia will have forgotten me. I'm sure it's all for the best, but I'm really struggling. I felt so sure I was supposed to go to Provo, and now, it feels like it's falling apart. I feel trapped. I just want to know what I am supposed to do with my life and where I am supposed to do it (and maybe a little help getting there). Is life always supposed to be so hard? Do I really have to give up the two things that make me happy?