Struggling

I don't really like to post too many struggles up here. I try to stay positive and share only my happiest experiences.

But tonight I do not feel well. Like so many nights, I am wondering what on earth I managed to eat that has me feeling so sick. I try so hard to avoid the many things the doctor cautioned me against, but as the list grows, I find myself more frustrated and ill.

My doctor put me on a steroid I am supposed to ingest before meals. The idea is to line my intestines so that I will not feel so sick should I stumble across a food I'm allergic to. I have a list that the doctor says may only be the beginning. I asked him why me, and he said there's really no answer. No way of determining why, we just have to face the fact that this has happened and come up with a strategy to deal with it. Unfortunately, the only strategy to fight a food allergy is to avoid that particular food. Which so far includes wheat, milk, corn, chicken, beef, squash, coconut, peas, green beans, and cherries. These are just some of the foods I have been tested for and as long as I continue to get sick, they can continue to test for more allergies to try to determine what else my body can no longer process.

What is happening is this: when a foreign invader, such as an illness attacks your body, your body produces certain antibodies to fight off the invader. Unfortunately for me, my body has decided food is the evil invader. The only food I have an anaphylactic reaction to is citrus fruit. The other foods are the ones that the antibodies fight. It's not as deadly or dangerous as an anaphylactic response, but it is certainly painful.

I have learned that wheat, milk, and/or corn (usually in syrup form) are the basic ingredients in EVERYTHING.

Last night was our work Christmas party. We chose to meet at Cristina's Mexican Restaurant. I got a seafood meal knowing it included cheese but hoped the steroid would do its job. It did, until I woke up very early this morning. But the food tasted delicious and it was very nice not feeling hungry. We decided to draw names for Secret Santa this year, and my manager, Matt, drew my name. He got me a gluten-free cookbook, which I thought was incredibly sweet and thoughtful. To be clear, I am not allergic to gluten (according to my blood tests). I am allergic to wheat, the protein of which is gluten. The majority of gluten-free foods are wheat free by nature, since people who are gluten sensitive (meaning they have celiac's disease), are so sensitive, even the tiniest amount of gluten can cause serious damage to their intestines. I have to be careful however, in following a gluten-free diet, because a l0t of gluten-free (or GF) foods/flours/ingredients include cornstarch as a thickener. I was extremely grateful to receive this cookbook, because the author gives a list of basic ingredients to keep in the pantry (which I can pick and choose from based on my allergies) as well as a recipe for her "all purpose flour". And since her "flour" does not include cornstarch, this means I can hopefully start baking again. (Blueberry pancakes, here I come!!)

Adam is spending the week visiting family in New Orleans. I know he is having a good time, but I miss him terribly. I fear I have become something of a burden being so sick all the time. I hope he is enjoying the break (but not too much!). I have come to realize over the last several months how much I truly love him and depend on him. He is such an amazing person; a gift from God. He is so patient and thoughtful through all of this. I wonder how much more he can take.