Today was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the grass was so green. The trees are blossoming and I am just thrilled to have spring here in Texas.
I had such a lovely Sunday. I woke up missing Adam, as I do everyday. But I know that it is time for me to start moving on. I decided to dress up really nice. I wanted to get noticed. I put on a new spring outfit and straightened my hair. I was doing my makeup talking to one of the pictures of Adam. (I can't take his pictures down and sometimes I talk to him. Does this make me crazy?) I was telling him how much I missed him and what a big mistake he'd made because we could have and should have worked. And I love him with all my heart, even still. But he has chosen to go another way and I was telling him it didn't really matter because I was choosing to be happy anyway.
I finished getting ready and looked at myself in the mirror. I smiled my best smile and realized something very strange. I had no idea who was staring back at me. I do not recognize my own face. My eyes have changed, and my cheeks have more definition when I smile. My lips, even my nose look different. I looked and looked and still did not see me. I looked back at the picture on my cabinet. It is one I took of me and Adam when we were first dating. It was the one I had been talking to. The girl in the picture looked like me. The girl in the mirror did not. It was very strange and disconcerting. I turned my head left and right. I smiled and frowned. I made all kinds of faces at myself and still, I did not recognize the person looking back at me.
I realized I was going to be late, so I left for church anyway. Regardless of the stranger in the mirror, I still had a goal. I was going to get noticed. I sat down in the pew just as church was starting when I chided myself for my silly wish. You don't go to church to get noticed! You go to church for the spiritual lessons. To take the sacrament and renew your baptismal covenants. Activities like FHE are for getting noticed. So, I decided not to worry about my original plan and instead focus on what was being taught.
And guess what. I might not have been noticed, but I noticed and talked to three very nice guys. One is an old friend from high school who acted so excited to see me. It made me feel really good. The other two are new to me but it was so easy talking to these guys. I was so proud of myself. I did not feel nervous or self-conscious at all. I'd forgotten my silly selfish reason for going to church today and truly enjoyed the amazing lessons. And I still made three new friends.
I got to go visiting teaching today too. I have this awesome new partner who just moved into the ward from Maryland. Her name is Jennie and we found we have a lot in common. (Maybe that's why I like her so much!) But I spent my afternoon with her (getting lost) and teaching our girls who ended up teaching us as well. So really I made four new friends today.
When we finished, I got in my car (Jennie and I had carpooled and we'd left my car at the church), full of sunshine and happiness. I thought a lot about the day I'd had and how I was truly happy. I was so blessed because I was able to forget myself and focus on others. I had so much fun.
I came home and looked in the mirror. I still don't recognize the girl looking back at me. But I like her. I hope she sticks around.
1 comment:
Good for you. Keep it up.
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