I Suppose an Update is In Order

Well, to be honest, I have nothing too interesting to report. 

I've mostly been focusing on work and school.  I'm trying to get my major changed from paralegal studies to organizational communications.  My admissions adviser is pretty cool about it, but my academic adviser hasn't returned my call yet.  As a matter of fact, he never returns any of my calls.  Oh well.  I'll get it figured out.

Work is going pretty well.  I like most of my coworkers, and they've been pretty supportive through everything.  Even most of the customers seem to have mellowed out.  I get yelled at maybe a few times a week rather than several times a day.  Maybe the economy is starting to turn around?

I haven't heard from Adam.  I wish to high heaven we could be friends.  He was my best friend first and foremost, and it's really hard not being able to talk to him; to check in with him and make sure he's doing ok.  I want him to be happy.  I don't really understand how this is so easy for him, to just pretend that I don't exist. 

I sort of got asked out on a date.  I say sort of because the guy was a texter, and I didn't really want to go out with him in the first place.  And then he sort of stood me up.  I didn't really care that he didn't show.  It just made me miss Adam all over again. 

I guess I have good days and bad days.  I always know that Adam and I are not supposed to be together right now.  I recognize that there are things we each need to do that we were unable to do together.  It makes me sad to realize this.  But I also recognize that this doesn't mean we can't be friends.  That we aren't allowed to care for each other still. 

I have spent the last month in my scriptures and on my knees.  (Has it really already been a month?!)  I have learned so much.  I have had the Spirit teach me so many lessons.  I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father who is buoying me up.  Of course I'm sad.  But He keeps the devastation at bay.

I'm trying really hard to put my trust in the Lord again.  To let him direct my path and to help me find someone I can love.  Someone who will love me too.  But there is still that part of me clinging to Adam, wishing, hoping, praying, he might have a change of heart.  It would take a miracle.  And the funny thing is, that even if he did have a change of heart, I don't know I could go back to him.  Even though it's what I want most.  I recognize that it may not be what is best for me.  But for some reason I just can't stop loving him.