The End or The Beginning

It is officially official!! I am divorced!! My mom keeps asking me if I am okay. I am. I feel so absolutely free and excited to find out what is next for me. I want to say thank you again to all my friends and family. You guys have been a great source of strength, comfort, and support. Now I just have to remember how to be single...

It's definitely a new beginning, and I am so happy. How many people get to start their lives over again? It is a little scary, but thrilling.

Goodbye President Hinckley

Many people often ask me what sets my religion apart from other Christian churches. One of the most amazing differences is that we follow a living prophet who guides us through inspiration from our Heavenly Father.

When I was about 12 years old, Gordon B Hinckley was called as the president and prophet of our church. I have spent most of my life lucky enough to listen to his council and enjoy his sermons. Sadly, he passed away today.

President Hinckley was so amazing. He was so intelligent and kind, and had a wonderful sense of humor. Even though I usually only saw him via satellite, I could always feel a glorious spirit and had the sense I was kneeling at his feet as he taught the gospel. He seemed to glow. I felt as if I knew him like a grandfather, and I feel as if I've lost a dear family member. I will always remember him as my prophet since I have such a hazy memory of the three previous prophets we've had during my life time.

President Hinckley, thank you for your inspiration and guidance. I could feel how much you loved the people you led. I am so grateful that you made the choices in your life that allowed you to become the president of our church. I benefited greatly from your lessons. I know you are in Heaven with your wife and family that have gone on before. I know you are with Heavenly Father and beginning your new calling assisting God's children to return to their home in Heaven. I cannot wait for the day I will get to meet you and thank you in person. I love you.

Thank you.

My Wonderfully Awesome Family

I would like to take the opportunity to say how much I love my family. I have always known I came from good people, and they just continue to prove it. I have been so amazed by how supportive my family has been as I have been struggling lately. I never doubted that they loved me; I just never realized how much they loved me. It feels so strangely wonderful to know how much they care for me.

I don't get to hear from my grandparents too often. I really miss them when I can't see them or talk to them as I'd like to. But they are always watching out for me, and my Grandma has a way of calling just when I need her to. She called yesterday with an offer that would rescue me from one of my recent divorce-related dramas. I know that my grandparents are concerned about me and I love that they care enough to offer their assistance. They rush to my defense and always have so much wisdom to share. They are very inspired in what they do and say. I recently found a letter I received from them many years ago that told me exactly what I needed to hear today. I appreciated the letter when I received it, but I treasure it now, knowing it was sent by inspiration and saved for the day when I would really need it. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa for everything you do for me and for the rest of the family. I love you both so much. Grandma and Grandpa came for a visit last spring and posed on Dad's bike.

Even though my parents are no longer together, they each in their own way love me. I have really appreciated their words of wisdom and comfort.

And I have Karen and her friend providing daily entertainment. That's Karen on the left.

My Aunt Mar is also full of wisdom and fun distractions.

I am so grateful to have my wonderful family. I don't know how I could survive this trial without them. I thank my Heavenly Father for them daily. It's funny how I feel like I've hit rock bottom, but at the same time, I've never felt more blessed.

A New Year

Well, it is January 2008. A new year filled with lots of changes. I am ready for them. I am a little anxious and apprehensive, since my future is pretty hazy now, but excited for new adventures.

I had a good Christmas; I was very spoiled. I was given many lovely gifts, and my favorites came from my Dad and my Aunt Mar. My Aunt got me a lovely leather jacket. It fits so perfectly, and the leather is so smooth and smells great!! My Dad got me a copy of a lovely portrait he knew I liked. I love to read, especially historical fiction. This portrait is so beautiful and inspires a million stories.

Now I have to focus on real life. It is a little difficult for me right now, and I am so grateful for my family. They have been so wonderfully supportive. I am going through a divorce which my husband has made more difficult than it needs to be. I don't know if he is being hurtful maliciously, or if he really just doesn't know any better. I just found out that he is already engaged to be married. This girl is the first in a long line of girls I found out about throughout our marriage. Two weeks into my marriage I found out about her and called her to tell her her boyfriend was married. She swears up and down that that was the end of their relationship until Eric contacted her last fall after we separated. I don't know if I believe her or not, but I realize I no longer care. I have been far too loyal and protective of Eric, and he has gotten away with much more than he should have. I am finished letting him hurt me. It is just so sad to realize that I have actually stopped loving him. I never thought I could. Now I wonder if I will ever be able to open up and fall in love again. I'm not sure if I even believe in love.

That brings me to my new adventures. My divorce will be final next month, and I do intend to rejoin the singles from my church. I'm not ready to start dating, but I do want to learn how to socialize and make friends again. I am also planning on returning to school this fall. I just haven't figured out how or where yet. Some kind soul, possibly a family member, who is aware of my situation has offered to anonymously pay for my tuition. I am so incredibly grateful that there is someone out there who cares about me that much. Now I just have to figure out how to pay for my living expenses once I decide where to go.

I am also concerned about my family. My aunt, cousin, and grandparents are struggling with their health. My sister is struggling with some situations at school. She's getting too much pressure from some young men to start a relationship. They don't understand that she is watching me with my struggles and just isn't ready to commit. I feel bad, because I don't want her to be scared to get married. Marriage can work, just not for me apparently. I hope she will look to my Aunt and her family as an example rather than me. On the other hand, there is a young man on his mission right now. It definitely isn't a bad thing that Karen won't commit to the boys who are home. I'm still rooting for our missionary.

I have some great things going for me right now. My bank has changed their incentive program, and if I understand it correctly and can make my goals, it should actually be easier to get a bonus, and I might possibly get more than I did last year. We also bought Countrywide which is exciting because it will take some of the pressure off of us. (Probably not in time for me though...) I accidentally broke my cell phone the other day. I was bummed at first, but then I checked our company's corporate discounts, and I got an excellent deal on a new phone. (The pic is from the company website.) It's a slider, with blue tooth, a camera, and FM RADIO!! I am having fun discovering all the new features. I'm even supposed to be able to put my own music on the phone to create my own ringtones or use the phone as a walkman!! I haven't figured that part out yet, but I will. (I'll probably have to get a new memory card for it.)

Responsibility

Apparently, I am an adult. I look like an adult, and my driver's license and voter's registration say I am an adult, but I don't really feel like one. I do have a lot of responsibility now, but I still feel like a kid.

I actually have a new responsibility. I am kind of excited, and nervous all at the same time. I received a calling at church. In my church, we all pitch in to run the organization. None of us are paid for the work; it is a form of service for us. Our callings can change from time to time. This time I have been called to Primary. This means I will be teaching Sunday school to five 8-9 year old girls. (I actually have seven girls, but I am told that two of them rarely come.) I am looking forward to it, but I don't start with that class until 2008. For the next three weeks I'll be substituting for the 5 year olds.

I am excited to start working with my girls. I'll have to spend some time getting to know them so I will know how to structure my lessons. I've been told they are all good girls, but are starting to "realize things" like playing with each other's hair, and chatting during Sharing Time. I doubt it will be a serious issue. I am sure that if I can connect with the girls and give them a chance to be themselves in class, they'll behave. I know a couple of the girls, but the rest of them are new to me. (I feel so old... The last time I saw these girls, they were still in diapers!!)


**Update on Primary: They decided to keep me with the five year olds. My class moved on to a new teacher at the New Year, and I have a new group of kids who are four turning five. They are adorable and quite a handful, but very smart.

Bored, bored, bored!!

Where, oh where have all my customers gone?
Where, oh where can they be?

Last year before Christmas was our busiest time ever. This year, it is dead. No customers. Seriously I had one customer all day. All it seems we're getting are complaints. People are mean and cranky during the holidays. I thought Christmas was about love, friendship, peace, and giving. Apparently it is about how I am supposed to read people's minds and know somehow that they don't want a personal checking account, they'd rather have a trust!! Or, I am supposed to know that a customer's check won't clear the bank it is coming from, and stop them from cashing their check. And I also am supposed to control the US mail and the time it takes for people to receive their checks and debit cards.

Thank heaven I am off tomorrow!! I think I will go home tonight and go to bed and not get out until Thursday...

Revenge of the Bank Customers

What a day!! Today was so slow. There were hardly any customers needing personal bankers today. I only opened one checking account!! I did get two credit cards though, so the day wasn't too bad. But I was so bored. I checked my work and personal email about 100 times. (Yes, I am allowed to check my personal email. I am very lucky that way.) I was happy to even get spam mail so I could delete it for something to do. 'Tis the season for people to be Christmas shopping...

Anyway, we had a rather clever visitor today. We must have upset someone fairly recently who decided to get even. We usually just get yelled at or threatened. (Most of the threats are just customers who says they will close their account if you don't do what they want. 99% of those people should close their accounts.) But today, our visitor, possibly a customer, did something rather unusual. They shut off our water. That's right, no water. No water fountain, no hand washing, and no visits to the little banker's room.

It happened fairly close to opening time. We had water one minute, and the next, we didn't. We hadn't even had a customer inside to yell at us yet. Maybe it was someone who went through the drive through, or who was upset over the weekend. Who knows? Anyway, we didn't know what was going on, so we called the company that fixes everything for us, and they sent out our two regular techs.

They made it to the bank about half-way through the day, and walked all around, inside and out, trying to find our problem. When they walked in, they realized we had another issue. None of us had turned on the heater. We were all cold, and we all thought the heat had been turned on, but none of us realized we weren't hearing, smelling, or feeling any heat (we must've been delirious from dehydration...). So they turned on the heater, and we quickly felt much better. Then they called the City of Lewisville to make sure the city hadn't cut off our water for some reason. They hadn't. Apparently our bank pays its bills, which is good for us, but it didn't explain why we didn't have water.

The lady from the city asked our two techs to walk to our neighboring businesses to see if they had lost water, or if we were an isolated problem. Everyone had water except us. (Which was good, because I was starting to need the little banker's room. My assistant manager had had a giant coke for breakfast, so she was very relieved when it was time for her lunch break and she could visit a neighbor's facilities.) Our techs walked around our banking center one more time, and noticed the valve or pipe or whatever it is that controls our water supply had been turned off. All they had to do was turn it back on. We felt so silly. But now we have the mystery of the Banking Center Water Stopper. We don't know who he/she is, or why they would do such a thing. We joked we must've upset a rather clever customer, but we don't know if this is true. We even joked that it was a particular customer who comes in every day just to harass us. We have taken to giving him a hard time back, so he will take a hint and do business elsewhere. Even my managers no longer speak to him. He doesn't speak enough English to cuss us out or threaten us in a language we can understand, so we can't kick him out... yet... But he is our scapegoat for everything that goes wrong. If the fax machine breaks, or something goes missing, or the water gets turned off, we say, "Oh Mr. So-and-so did it."

We were very grateful to our rescuers, who gave us back our water. We will just have to watch and see if anything else odd goes wrong...

So Much Fun!!

Today was another great day. It started out not so hot... I had to go to the courthouse to officially file for divorce. Everyone was super nice and helpful. I got the documents filed fairly quickly, and that was the end of the not so nice part of my day.

Then, I met my Aunt Mar for lunch. She was Christmas shopping and I showed up just in time for the salesperson to talk her into a gift for me!! I am so excited. Even though I know what I am getting, it's going to be great!! I'll give you a hint... It's super soft and smells great!!

At lunch we called my sister, Karen, and chatted for a while. Karen wasn't actually aware for a large part of the conversation that she was on speaker phone with me and Aunt Mar. It was funny. Poor Karen. I didn't do it on purpose... at first. But I realized she hadn't figured out Aunt Mar was talking too, so we just kept up the charade for a while. We had a very yummy lunch and I was sorry when it was over.

But then, I came home, and there was a package for me!! Some clothes I'd ordered online had arrived!! I am usually hesitant to order clothes online, but I've had a little luck with this store. This time, I even got shoes. They all fit and are so cute!! I am so excited!!!

I have been searching for a pair of the perfect red heels. I am super picky, and had wanted them to be opened toed. But I just couldn't find what I wanted, though I have searched everywhere. I thought I'd peek at what this store had to offer in shoes, and lo and behold, they had nearly perfect red heels!! They weren't too tall or too flat, and I like the white trim. They're only draw back is that they weren't open toed. I will have to keep looking for those. But in the meantime, I am thrilled with my new red shoes!!

A More Relaxing Day

Today was a much better day than yesterday. I got more time to relax, worked on laundry, and didn't lose any dogs. Well not yet, anyway...

I stopped by the bank and checked on my loans. They still look good, but we're going to cut it close for one customer. It's kind of her fault. She asked for a rush closing, but is dragging her feet on returning certain documents... I called her today to explain how desperately we needed her documents, and she said she bring them to my co-worker tomorrow. We'll see how it goes.

I then went to Petland and Wal-Mart to purchase collars and tags (among other necessities) for my puppies. If they do get away, now they have their names and my phone numbers on their collars. Hopefully (heaven forbid I lose them again), if I do lose them, someone will find them and be kind enough to return them to me. I was actually kind of hurt yesterday while I was running madly through my neighborhood. I was calling to my dogs, frantic, and no one stopped to help me, even though there were a few people on various streets just standing and chatting. I guess their conversations were more important than the crazy lady running around in black pants and brown shoes calling out "Maggie, Maia!!".

Anyway, today has been much more calm. The dogs love their new "necklaces" and are so cute in them. I just have to get used to all the jingling...

Panic

Today is technically my first day of vacation. I have a lot to accomplish this week before I go back to work on Friday. But I thought I would take one day to just hang out, relax, read, and watch one of my favorite tv shows that is only on during the daytime.

The tv show, Crossing Jordan, airs at 1 and 2 pm central on A&E. Around 1:30, the dogs and I were chasing each other around the couch with Crossing Jordan in the background. Suddenly, Maggie had to go outside. There was no time to wait, and I turned to grab my jacket and shoes. It was already too late; there was a little gift on the floor next to the back door. I opened the back door to let her out, and Maia raced out with her too. I thought I could quickly clean up and then go out back with the dogs. I was gravely mistaken. It took less than sixty seconds for me to clean up and run outside. My dogs were gone.

My parents built their fence high off the ground to avoid termites. I've never understood the logic, because the posts are wooden and are stuck in the ground and attached to the fence. They're what holds it up. Surely if a termite can get into the post, it can travel from the post to the fence. But whatever, it wasn't my fence. It's just been a matter of inconvenience for me, as Maia occasionally slips under the gate. Maggie sometimes follows. They've never gone farther than a block away, and usually "go home" when they are told. I usually stand next to the gate to prevent the escape attempts, and the dogs have been behaving lately. Maia would still escape, but not leave the driveway.

But this time, I was lax in my supervision. I wasn't there to warn them. I wasn't there to call them home. I ran out the back gate, expecting to see them in the alley. They weren't there.

I ran down the block, to the farthest place they'd run before. They weren't there either.

I ran between houses, calling frantically to my dogs. I didn't see so much as a slip of a tail in a bush. In utter panic, I ran back to the house. After all, I had taught them the command, "Go home". They knew where home was. Maybe they'd gone back. They hadn't.

I raced inside the house, grabbed my purse and keys, and jumped in my car. I remembered that Princess knew the sounds of our cars, and would know who was home by the sound of the engine. Maggie loves car rides, and I know she also recognizes the sound of my car. She knows it by sight too. I hoped she'd hear or see the car and want to go for a car ride. It was a trick my mom used sometimes when Princess ran away.

My imagination is far too vivid, and my panic was only rising as I drove all through the neighborhood, to every place we had walked, through alleys and streets they hadn't ever seen. We live so close to three very busy streets. I prayed they wouldn't make it to one of them, especially not 3040. There's no way they could possibly survive trying to cross 3040.

I drove through the next neighborhood. There's a park I've taken them to, near a woody creek. Princess would run there, but my dogs don't like water. I didn't think they'd be there, but it was worth a shot. They weren't there.

I came out of that neighborhood onto 3040. I looked left. I looked right. No sign of the dogs. At least I hadn't seen any bodies in the streets. I took 3040 to Morris to reenter my neighborhood from the back. I know how fast and far dogs can run. I was about to start weaving through my neighborhood again, when I saw the mailman. I stopped my car, practically in the middle of the street, two blocks from my house. I ran to the mailman.

"Excuse me, sir, but have you seen two little beagles?"

"Two little puppies?"

"Yeah," it was all I could do not to cry and impair my vision.

"Yeah, they're over on Larkspur, two streets back," he said. Larkspur!! That's my street!!

"Thank you!" I shouted and ran back to my car, hoping they hadn't moved on before I got back.

They hadn't. They weren't at my house, but across the street, tails wagging, and sniffing around. I stopped my car in front of my house, so grateful to see them alive. I had been driving around for an hour. My hour of sheer panic was nearly over. I just had to get them to come to me. I got out of my car and knelt in the street with my arms wide open. "Maia, Maggie," I called. They ran right to me, tails wagging. Maia was full of kisses and jumped into my arms. But Maggie knew she had been bad, and wouldn't come close enough for me to grab her. So, I used my original plan. I threw Maia into the car through the open window and said, "Maggie, do you want to go for a car ride?"

It worked. She jumped right in. I drove through the neighborhood one more time. I'd promised Maggie a car ride, and I wasn't going to let her think she'd been tricked. I knew I ought to punish her somehow, but I didn't know how to do it so she'd understand what she was being punished for. I was so grateful to have her back, I didn't have it in my heart to be angry. I waved my thanks at the mailman as we passed. When we got back to the house, I had a dilemma. I could carry Maia in, but not Maggie. Not at the same time, anyway. So I shut Maggie in the car and let Maia into the house. I gave her a treat and grabbed one for Maggie so I could distract her as I tried to pick her up. I didn't need to. As soon as she saw the treat, she was mine. Maggie jumped out of the car, and ran straight for the front door of my house. I let her in and gave her her treat.

I'd missed the better part of both episodes of Crossing Jordan, but I didn't care. My dogs were home, safe.

Maggie's punishment turned out to be lots of hugs and kisses from her mommy. She doesn't like to cuddle on someone else's terms. Maia, on the other hand, ate it up. Now, exhausted from their adventure, the two rascals are sleeping behind my chair as I type this. And I am so incredibly relieved and grateful.